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20 Brutal Breakup Messages That Will Leave You Lovesick and Lonely!

Do you remember the end of your first relationship? Of course, you do. We all do. Whether it came to an end over something small or large, the feelings were probably the same: dejection.  While dejection is a tough pill to swallow, we can all get over our old loves by moving forward in life while pretending it never happened. Unfortunately for the people that you are about to read about, their breakups were very public and a little harder to bury with their past.

Today, we are going to take a closer look at 20 brutal breakup messages that will leave you lovesick and lonely!

1. I Don’t Love You, But Here Is Some Pizza.

The night is young. You’ve got pizza on the way. Your loved one said that they are coming over with your favorite movie. But then the pizza arrives. And your loved one isn’t there. And instead of your favorite movie, you find this simple message written in red above your greasy pie.

Of course, we can’t choose how people leave relationships but at least this poor soul had some grease to drown his sorrow in.

2. Batman Fan Slays His Relationship With Cheese

When it comes time to sit down and write that brutal breakup message down, maybe don’t immediately start referencing The Dark Knight. Now we are as big of a fan as there is when it comes to Batman and the world of D.C.. Comics, but referencing the cheesiest ending in the entire series is probably not doing any favors to you or your ex.

Now with that being said, invite your ex to watch Batman Forever and now we have a real brutal breakup.

3. Bad Jokes Can Kill Relationships

Now we can’t know the backstory to this relationship any more than you can. What we do know is that this is the coldest breakup on the internet. Not only does it feature a tired joke, but it is abrupt and concise and leaves absolutely no room for negotiation.

We don’t advise stealing bad jokes, but if you have to end a relationship… Might as well invite them to Dumpsville!

4. Welp, This is Awkward

Autocorrect is seemingly one of the best and worst things to ever happen to mobile messaging. When autocorrect gets it right, it is helpful. When autocorrect gets it wrong, boy does it get it really wrong. This seemingly mistaken case of autocorrect turned into the end of a relationship as Jenna and her spouse took turns not communicating correctly at all.

To think, a relationship could poof over a text message. Just like that. What a world! How do people date anymore?

5. This Is Awkward Part Two

The story of Jenna and her significant other took on another amazing turn. The next series of messages would go on to reveal that Jenna herself had been the victim of a misleading autocorrect. Don’t worry, her significant other already put their foot in their mouth by replying.

Maybe we should learn to take time in between text messages. Nah, let’s jump to conclusions!

6. Paul Is Having A Bad Day (Week, Month and Year)

The end of a relationship can feel like a sensitive and private thing. You don’t want to blast your feelings out into the public, so why would you want your breakup to follow that same path? Unfortunately for Paul, it doesn’t seem like he had much choice in the matter. 

This photo captures one unfortunate Paul who seemingly lost his wife, his dog, and the family business. We have so many questions, where do we start?

7. New Girlfriend, Who’s This?

Have you ever shot a message to your partner only to have them reply with, “Who is this?” Typically this isn’t a great way to start a conversation with someone that you love, care about, and have dedicated your life to. However, to make matters worse, Jessica’s message would be received by her partner’s…. new girlfriend?!

Don’t you hate it when your s/o quits the relationship and moves on without ever telling you?

8. Truly On the Same Wavelength 

Have you ever been with someone that finished your sentences? Have you ever loved someone who seemed to be on the exact same wavelength as you at all times? Well, this clearly wasn’t the case for Jacob and their mysterious S/O. A quick 3…2…1.. game turns into one of the most awkward exchanges on the internet.

Will you marry me or can we break up? Tonal consistency.

9. Break-Up Comedy: Badum Tss

If we had to sit down and manually write out all the ways we wouldn’t want to be dumped, this message would shockingly make it on the list! As it turns out, getting dumped through a ‘knock knock’ joke is a pretty big blow to their self-esteem. How do you bounce back from being let-down by a four-word knock-knock joke?

It’s the perfect way to terminate a relationship that you never cared about.

10. Don’t Cheat With a Dirty Car

Actually, don’t ever cheat on anyone. But if you are going to cheat, you might want to get your car washed first. In this infamous breakup, our local turd Dave has apparently been cheating on his wife while abandoning their kids at home. Don’t worry, it appears that Nikki got the last laugh. 

How satisfying is it to tell your cheating spouse, “You’re broke!”

11. I Am Emotionally Dead Inside

Someone once told a politician, “You aren’t hurting the people that you are supposed to be hurting.” This breakup text sorta has the same kind of energy, doesn’t it? The end of this seemingly toxic relationship granted neither party much in the way of closure. Instead, they slung insults, caused pain, and walked away baffled by the entire exchange.

Humans are weird. We don’t get it either.

12. Wait, What?!

As divorce rates continue to skyrocket, we are sure that we’ll continue getting more stories like this one. Well, maybe not exactly like this one. A husband-and-wife has quite the occasion of crossed wires in one of the biggest break-up text twists of all time.

Sending the wrong text never felt worse. Well, perhaps receiving that text felt worse.

13. Steven the Cheater Loses His Wife

Cheating is bad, full stop. Cheating on a spouse who has the energy, money, and passion to get public revenge? Well, that’s downright insane. Steven apparently thought it was worth the risk to cheat on his soon-to-be ex-wife Emily, but she had other plans. 

Emily apparently found out about the affair and in doing so created one of the biggest middle fingers to cheaters ever! Seriously people, just leave your spouse instead.

14. Learn to Spell, Kids

In the best of times, dating can be tremendously difficult. Let us just underline this, we are not living in the best of times! Thanks to dating apps and the rise of the internet, a relationship can fall apart at any moment for any reason. Pro-tip to people getting back into the dating market: learn to spell, or else you could end up like this Baby.

Ansr meh bby, won’t you learn to spell?

15. Wait, Let’s Wish Again

11:11 is the time for every adult and child to make a wish. Why? We’ve got no idea, but we do it all the same. It appears that this couple was operating on an entirely different set of wishing parameters when they celebrated 11:11. After all, it isn’t exactly inspiring to see your s/o wishing for a way to break up. Real awkward if you wished for marriage with them!

16. Clean, Simple, Concise

There are certain relationships where it is worth finding amenable closure. Maybe you want to maintain a friendship with your ex, or perhaps you’re just a nice person. Either way, this breakup message comes from people decidedly not interested in any real closure. Hey, you can’t exactly dump someone while they are on vacation without expecting a snappy response.

We wonder if they ever found that bridge to jump off of….

17. I Simply Require Culture With Romance

Culture. What is culture? What is culture when someone tells you that you don’t have any? We aren’t sure, but it probably doesn’t mean anything good. In this strange breakup text, one person gets a little too honest with the other while attacking the foundation of their culture.

Listen, we’ve said culture so many times by now that we aren’t sure if culture is really the problem here. It sounds like the sender was just kind of a jerk. Huh, wonder if that’s part of their culture.

18. But Who Makes the Class Clown Laugh?

Now, we don’t know Keenen nor do we know their significant other. With that being said, we have two striking observations to make. One, Keenen needs to take some lessons at the local comedy club. Two, he dodged one heck of a bullet when his ex left him! Comedy is about having fun and if you can’t laugh at yourself or others, well, that’s not very fun!

19. Big Garage Sale, Bigger Deals!

Driving down the road on a fine Saturday afternoon and you see this sign appear. Obviously, you aren’t in the market for a cheating wife but you still have to check out the sale! Garage sales are a great way to offload old possessions that we don’t have any use for. We’re not sure that they are the best place for airing private grievances to your neighbors. 

Heck, maybe that’s exactly what garage sales are for and we just never knew!

20. Moving to Australia

Long-distance relationships can provide extreme stress to couples who are not prepared for it. Many couples will opt instead to take time apart if not outright move on from the relationship when they are forced to traverse long distances. While there is no right and wrong way to explore consenting romance, we’re certain that this is the wrong way to end a relationship.

Sure, your ex will get a great piece of cake. Sure it looks delicious and will help assuage their immediate sadness sugar cravings. But trust us, they will never forget a cake emblazoned with a breakup message. That image will be locked into their head for LIFE.

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Real Life Dopplegangers of Cartoon Characters

Liz L

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Have you ever met someone you thought you knew? What if that person turned out to be a dead-on ringer for a cartoon character? What would you do? Would you say something to the person about it? Don’t be surprised if someone beat you to it. There are dozens of folks walking around in real life that have a surprisingly accurate resemblance to cartoon characters, both classic as well as modern. Here are some examples.

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Austin Restaurant Turns to Witty Pandemic Signs for Laughs

Jolie

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When the United States shut itself down under the auspices of the coronavirus pandemic in early March 2020, few people realized what was going to happen. Now almost a year later, the coronavirus pandemic has continued to rage on and people are growing increasingly frustrated, scared, and restless. When will quarantine measures be allowed to go away? When will a vaccine appear?

With so many tough questions hanging over the heads of not just everyday citizens, but also business owners. More than 100k restaurants in the city of Chicago have closed down on a long-term basis since the beginning of March and the city of Austin, TX, is probably not far behind. This is where our story takes place, at the front door of the El Arroyo, a popular restaurant located in downtown Austin.

The El Arroyo was established in the 80s and they’ve retained their sense of wonder and edgy comedy ever since. Laura Schulte works as the social media manager for El Arroyo and she has been a major player in the production of their comical signs. Schulte says, “The signs bring a lot of laughter”. While previous signs had made jokes based on pop-culture references, the team at El Arroyo has been focusing more on bringing laughs through their pandemic references this time around.

If you have been an active internet user for the past eight months, which you probably have, you’ve likely seen some of the signs that El Arroyo has been placing up over the past several months. While these signs are largely for laughs, they also play an important role in reducing stress levels and preventing anxiety from becoming an overloading burden.

One sign was put up that read, “I Never imagined I’d go up to the bank teller with a mask on and ask for money.” That is the kind of sign that we can all look at, agree with, and share with friends for a laugh. It is true! How dramatically has our world changed in the better part of the past eight months? A year ago if we told you that you had to go to the bank with a mask over your face, you’d be blown away by the mere suggestion.

While some signs are focused on the pandemic, other signs take larger jabs at 2020 as a whole. One El Arroyo sign read, “Have we tried putting 2020 in rice” which is a joking reference to what individuals do when their phones get wet. Another sign read, “Just remember, someone out there is quarantined with your ex.”

What do you think of signs like the ones being posted at El Arroyo? Are you a fan of sharing a few laughs at the expense of the pandemic? Do you think that these signs go too far or are you down with a few fun laughs?

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Willy Wonka Style “Golden Ticket Hunt” For Candy Factory Launched

Liz L

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Everyone loves contests, especially if there’s some money involved and David “Candyman” Klein has created the perfect contest for all citizens of the United States.

Klein is the founder of The Jelly Belly Jelly beans and Tricky Treasures, and his contest wants you to get out of your house to win some money. All you have to do is join his ‘golden ticket’ hunt. Go to familiar places in your state/region, and find the lucky ‘Golden Ticket’ disguised as necklaces in various secret locations. 

Finding each treasure hunt guarantees you about $5,000, so get ready to go hunting. However, that’s not all – you also have a golden chance to win another prize, which is the key to one of Klein’s candy factories.

Yes, we know what you’re thinking and you’re not wrong- the story does sound familiar. The hunt takes the form and plot of famous film Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or the 1971 musical Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

If you’ve seen the classic film “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory,” you know how the story works.

In the film, Willy Wonka is looking for someone to take over his business in his standard Chocolate Factory. He met with five kids that had initially won the ‘Golden Ticket,’ hunt, and one of them was a special boy named Charlie.

Wonka offered a lifetime supply of sweets to anyone that will win, and to win, the kids had to stay until the end of his tour of the factory. The kids loved candy, so you can imagine that the prize really meant a lot to them. 

In a plot twist, every kid that tried to eat or eat a lot of the sweets during the tour experienced a series of weird events- every kid except Charlie. At this point, we’re just going to assume you know what happened next.

However, unlike in the movie or novel, adults can join the ‘Golden Ticket’ search. 

If the contest excites you and you think you stand a chance of winning, you only need to pay a token of $49.99 to join the contest. This token will help in narrowing down your search area, so you know exactly where to look for the Golden ticket necklace. 

Note that each state in the United States can only accommodate 1,000 participants, so you have to hurry up even if you have the clue to the Golden ticket’s location already. 

If you come out victorious and find the Golden ticket, you can claim the cash prize, or get a chance to search for what Klein calls the ‘The Ultimate Treasure.’ According to him, this treasure is the key to one of his candy factories. Other benefits include all-expenses-paid trips and free education in a candy-making university. 

The time for the treasure hunt has come upon us. Are you ready to rumble?

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Seeing a Very Unusual Killer Whale

Sarrah M

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People who go whale watching know that they might not even be able to see any whales during their trips. While most people hope to at least see something, they’ll often catch a few glimpses of the whales, and that will be all. Most whale watching trips will last for several hours as a result. 

Getting a good look at any whale at all can be special, given how big the ocean is and the fact that these animals do not swim close to the land. Getting videos of animals in general can be challenging, since animals do not sit still and can be tough to film. The videos that people do capture can have poor lighting conditions or levels of focus. When people are able to create a decent video of a rare animal, it’s an event worth celebrating. 

Recently, people were able to record a video featuring a white orca. There aren’t a lot of white orcas in the world at all, so getting even one of them on camera is very special. 

Animals that naturally have less pigmentation than other members of their species can be very vulnerable as a result. They won’t have as much ultraviolet protection, for one thing, and this can be a problem for all animals. However, to make matters worse, it’s much easier for natural predators to see these animals because of their pigmentation levels. These animals just won’t always last for very long in their natural habitats.

However, some of them still manage to survive to adulthood. People are sometimes even able to see them, and share the experience with other. This was the case for Dennis Rogers, a boat captain. 

He was traveling with graduate student Stephanie Hayes, who studies at the prestigious University of Alaska. They were off of the coastal areas in the southeastern parts of Alaska. 

Stephanie Hayes is active on Instagram, and she posted about seeing an active orca pod when they were hunting. This pod has been identified as the Transient Killer Whale group, or the Canadian Bigg’s pod. People also refer to them using the number ‘T046.’

Some of these orcas were fairly difficult to see. However, one of them was actually very clearly visible, since it had such low pigmentation levels. Stephanie Hayes certainly knows how special this is.

She knows that many researchers will not see a single animal like this throughout their careers. Captain Rogers would agree with this, since he has been sailing locally for a total of forty-five years, and he still never encountered any white orcas like this. He actually does not have the pink eyes that a lot of people associate with the condition. 

This orca is only two years old, so he’s young. His condition is known as leucism. Relatively simple genetic mutations can lead to leucism. These mutations are random, but they seem to be more common in inbred animal populations. This sort of thing might be a problem with a lot of orcas, because they travel across long distances and they’re not in contact with many members of their species at any given time. 

The fact that this orca is in a pod in the first place is positive. When whales mature, they often do not stay with their families. Orcas like this can sometimes have a difficult time finding new pods as adults. He’ll also probably have a difficult time hunting seals, because it will be so easy for them to see him. A total of eight orcas like him have been officially recorded, but he may be one of the fortunate ones. 

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Anti-Mask Businessman Spends COVID-Relief Funds on a LAMBORGHINI!

Sarrah M

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The ongoing coronavirus pandemic is like little else that the world has ever seen. Not since the Spanish Flu has the entire planet been beholden to such a dark and dreadful virus. Incredibly contagious and deadly in those of at-risk populations, one of the leading ways to prevent the spread of COVID-19 is by wearing a facial covering. Unfortunately, facial coverings such as N95 masks have become politicized due in large part to the current President of the United States, Donald Trump. David Hines is a businessman from Florida who followed the President’s lead when it came to not wearing a face mask. What’s more, the businessman from Florida used COVID relief funds for something truly unsettling.

As more than 5 million COVID-19 cases have been recorded in the United States, Americans around the country are struggling to make ends meet. The government put together a series of deductions and relief programs largely targeted at high-income earners. David Hines owns and operates his business out of Miami-Dade County in Florida, one of the worst-hit counties for COVID-19 in recent weeks. Hines decided to continue not wearing a mask in his personal life even as he received more than $4 million in funding relief from the Small Business Administration Payroll Protection Program. The PPP funds had been allocated for the benefit of businesses that were at risk of laying off their employees.

When Mr. Hines received his $4 million loan through the PPP, the anti-mask businessman decided to spend the funds on his own personal expenses. One of the expenses that Hines felt obligated to purchase was a $318,497 Lamborghini. Hines purchase was broadcast across the nation when he was pulled over and issued a citation while driving the vehicle. The story would quickly go viral before joining masses of other high-income earners found to be abusing the PPP funds. Hines is far from the only offender but he is one of the worst and most blatant abusers of the emergency funds available. Hines’ story doesn’t end there as it continues with crazy purchases, outright lies, and an abundance of fraud.

At the time of this writing, there have been more than 19.7 million documented cases of COVID-19 with an additional 728k deaths. The United States of America currently leads the world in confirmed cases and confirmed deaths. As President Trump continues to bolster people like Mr. David Hines and the rest of the anti-mask wearing crowd, it is expected that these numbers will continue to rise until an actionable vaccine can safely rise. Now, the question remains, will President Trump push back a real vaccine in order to prop up some sort of HCQ alternative?

While nobody expected a global pandemic to render the world incapacitated, there is a silver lining ahead. There have been reports of significant progress in the production of a working COVID-19 vaccine. This vaccine in conjunction with success stories like New Zealand can help you to breathe a little easier at night. Unless you have COVID-19. Thankfully, free testing has begun to become more commonplace around the world. Search your local government pages to find a COVID-19 testing site near you.

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